I’m totally wiped out after yesterday.

I haven’t gone far in over 3 years, and it shows. I am too tired to get up today. I had a major headache last night so had to take a painkiller before I went to bed. The heat had really got to me. I couldn’t cool down for hours even in front of the fan. I finally got to sleep at a stupid hour and then woke up early but then dropped off again until lunch time. I got up to eat and have got back into bed because I have no energy. I need a nap to get enough energy to tidy/clean around flat. It got a bit messy and neglected during the heatwave. I won’t ever be like myself post 3 years ago. I have just changed as a person. I feel like I have aged decades and my body has just gone the way it wants. I can’t consistently lose weight despite trying so hard. I cut calories after reverse dieting and still find myself mostly at a scale range not getting lower. The reverse diet thing didn’t work for me much. I am thicker in places I didn’t previously have pockets of fat. It can’t be muscle after the levels of muscle in my blood tests came back below range expected. I wish that I could go back to who I used to be, but trauma really did ruin me. It is nowhere near christmas but I feel dread over that time of year since my son got adopted. That time of year is for children, and it is just a painful reminder for me. I wish that they had no christmas zones where people can go over those two weeks.

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