I’m totally wiped out after yesterday.

I haven’t gone far in over 3 years and it shows. I am too tired to get up today. I had a major headache last night so had to take a painkiller before I went to bed. The heat had really got to me. I couldn’t cool down for hours even in front of the fan. I finally got to sleep at a stupid hour and then woke up early but then dropped off again until lunch time. I got up to eat and have got back into bed because I have no energy. I need a nap to get enough energy to tidy/clean around flat. It got a bit messy and neglected during the heatwave. I won’t ever be like myself post 3 years ago. I have just changed as a person. I feel like I have aged decades and my body has just gone the way it wants. I can’t consistently lose weight despite trying so hard. I cut calories after reverse dieting and still find myself mostly at a scale range not getting lower. The reverse diet thing didn’t work for me much. I am thicker in places I didn’t previously have pockets of fat. It can’t be muscle after the levels of muscle in my blood tests came back below range expected. I wish that I could go back to who I used to be but trauma really did ruin me. It is no where near christmas but I feel dread over that time of year since my son got adopted. That time of year is for children and it is just a painful reminder for me. I wish that they had no christmas zones where people can go over those two weeks.

Author: Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).

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