Emotionally drained and just can’t be bothered at the moment.

I have finally stopped getting brain zaps from antidepressant withdrawal. I took a tapering off dose two days ago after a week. I feel different now. I can function better so my brain isn’t feeling like something is missing anymore. I remain emotionally tired from life though. That is a trauma response which doesn’t go away. I didn’t sleep until late so making the most of not having to be up for the first time this week. I have got to the point where I am just fed up of everyones crap. I try so hard but apparently it’s too hard and ends up looking weird. That has made me decide that I just won’t try at all. I am happy on my own because that is the only choice that others have given me. I feel too old to put up with other peoples crap. I have enough if my own.

I am glad that I found out my foot isn’t due to any issue to do with my bones but I still feel aches all around my back. I couldn’t bend without being stiff when I was on monthly a few days ago. That is why I am resting. I may walk a lot but sometimes its not comfortable. I also am fed up with the hatred which those of us on benefits have received since being granted the cost of living payments. We are not lazy. I have a genuine disability that prevents me holding down a job due to aspects of that disability. I am not a scrounger. I am certainly not lazy. I appreciate the money that the benefit system gives me. That means I don’t have to go without essential stuff like food and the ability to get around etc. I can have some quality of life despite my disability. That is unfair to begrudge me that after the struggles that come with that disability. I put the cost of living payment into my savings. I don’t have much but it is my back up in case of my money getting stopped on one of those horrendous reviews we are subjected to every few years. I also know that I will have to move at some point in the near future because the landlord wants to sell the flat.

Author: Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).

One thought on “Emotionally drained and just can’t be bothered at the moment.”

  1. People often tend to blame others on all the problems. It’s easy especially if you don’t know those “others” too well. I feel sorry for you, but I believe you’ll be allright (as good as it can be)

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