Emotionally drained and just can’t be bothered at the moment.

I have finally stopped getting brain zaps from antidepressant withdrawal. I took a tapering off dose two days ago after a week. I feel different now. I can function better so my brain isn’t feeling like something is missing anymore. I remain emotionally tired from life though. That is a trauma response which doesn’t go away. I didn’t sleep until late so making the most of not having to be up for the first time this week. I have got to the point where I am just fed up with everyone’s crap. I try so hard but apparently, it’s too hard and ends up looking weird. That has made me decide that I just won’t try at all. I am happy on my own because that is the only choice that others have given me. I feel too old to put up with other people’s crap. I have enough if my own.

I am glad that I found out my foot isn’t due to any issue to do with my bones, but I still feel aches all around my back. I couldn’t bend without being stiff when I was on monthly a few days ago. That is why I am resting. I may walk a lot but sometimes it’s not comfortable. I also am fed up with the hatred which those of us on benefits have received since being granted the cost-of-living payments. We are not lazy. I have a genuine disability that prevents me holding down a job due to aspects of that disability. I am not a scrounger. I am certainly not lazy. I appreciate the money that the benefit system gives me. That means I don’t have to go without essential stuff like food and the ability to get around etc. I can have some quality of life despite my disability. That is unfair to begrudge me that after the struggles that come with that disability. I put the cost-of-living payment into my savings. I don’t have much but it is my back up in case of my money getting stopped on one of those horrendous reviews we are subjected to every few years. I also know that I will have to move at some point in the near future because the landlord wants to sell the flat.