Too pale for this climate.

I haven’t been for a walk today because I am at mums for dinner. I am not even moving around but still dripping with sweat. I have put sun cream on for the first time in many years. I don’t want to end up looking like a lobster. I have a peely face from being out in this weather the last few days (despite putting on moisturiser with spf 30). I felt really down earlier because I feel like I am running out of time to find someone to have another child. I am 35 this year and it takes ages to get to know someone enough to be sure about going there. If i hadn’t lost my first son to adoption then I wouldn’t feel so much desperation. I feel like I am not a mum even though biologically I am. It feels like that was cancelled out when they took him away. I had him alone for the reason that I don’t do relationships due to being autistic. I would do it that way again but society will never allow a single autistic person to keep custody of their child. They will walk in and take my future children if I am not with anyone. I live in fear of that. I feel like I am forced to be with another when that isn’t what I ever want.

Author: Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).

%d bloggers like this: