This reverse dieting thing is a con! I feel too fat!

I have upped my calories but somehow my calves have got larger. Or I have got taller because my trousers all seem sorter (that isn’t a possibility at 34 years old). I could do with an extra few inches at only 5 ft 2/3 but after puberty it is impossible to gain height… if anything you start to shrink as you age. I can’t just cut my calorie consumption straight away. That will mess my body up and halt any chance of weight loss. I am just so fed up of conflicting advice. Personal trainer says increase calories to lose weight. The term calorie deficit is constantly flung around. I am sick of the whole process because it is stressful. I dislike my body more now than christmas when I had been losing weight consistently. The scale keeps going up and down between 79kg and 80kg. I am due on monthly next week so the water levels in my body are filling up. I have taken a laxative every night for a few days. I managed to go today. I just want to get rid of any build up that my hormone levels may cause. I can feel a heaviness which is either monthly or poop. I just want to get rid of it. I know that is too much info but I am fed up. I am uncomfortable.