Dead inside.

I may be physically alive but I have felt dead inside for many years. I sometimes don’t even feel present. I really need sleep but that isn’t happening yet. I have been dead inside since my son’s adoption. I am always elsewhere in my head. I forget chunks of things that happen. I have since read that all these things are a result of going through trauma. I never got rid of this part even on antidepressants. I died mentally years ago. I physically am alive but it is only existing. I am always lost in my head and sometimes I question if I really exist any more.