No to today … too tired for it.

I haven’t even bothered to get dressed. I am tired from walking every day this week. I just can’t right now. I got up to have breakfast but dropped off to sleep with the cats. The weather was raining for quite a while which made me want to stay asleep. I do have quite a lot to do but it feels too hard. I need to rest anyway due to my toe swelling up. The fluid has gone up my leg and worked its way into my hips causing me to look bloated. If I don’t rest to let it out then it is going to make my lower back and hips ache. I don’t need to have a bath because I had one yesterday (skin dries out if I have one daily). I will probably not get dressed today. I will just put clean pjs on later. It has gone cold (well it feels cold in comparison to yesterday). The rain has started again. I want to try to go the gym tomorrow so I am going to continue to rest and won’t be online much tonight. I am feeling sad but not due to coming off antidepressants. I just sometimes miss people. That is natural. I am also getting hungry. I can’t go after who I want to be with. The past in my own life puts me off doing that stuff. I am obviously easy to discard. I get it. I don’t have anything to offer. Others are so much more appealing than me. I tried so hard to do something good for someone but it backfired. I really want to have them in my life but I just can’t be good enough or undo my mistake. I hate being naïve and simple because the naturally dumb always lose out in life. I am not socially smart enough not to fail in friendships/relationships. I am just meant to be alone due to my brain nit being able to do those skills. It makes me a bad person to love without hating feelings taking over.

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