I have to live with this and never get answers.

I should be asleep but my stomach is hurting so I can’t right now so I will write this entry now. I just watched a programme where the character reminded me of someone. I have these feelings under the surface all the time but tonight they have bubbled to the top of my thoughts. I often wonder what I did to deserve to be punished rather than helped and supported. I may have always put on a smile but that was a mask for how things really were. That always gave the impression that I was taking the piss rather than vulnerable and mentally suffering. Why was I so easy to be negative towards? How could they do what they did to me? I will constantly feel this way for the rest pf my life because circumstances will never allow me to get the answers. That torments me and will affect me mentally for the rest of my life.