I know and accept my fate.

I just read something on a social media platform about someone saying that they thought that they would never have expected to get to 30 due to mental health issues. I never expected to reach 34. I honestly don’t expect to get to middle age. I may just do a Marilyn Monroe and be gone by 37 if I continue cocktailing pain medication, antidepressants and alcohol. Also, the sleep issues on top. It won’t be on purpose but a build up of toxic crap slowly destroying my organs. I feel the damage a lot but I ignore it. I didn’t drink for most of my twenties but I abused painkillers quite badly. I never felt the damage until after I turned 30. That is why I tell younger people that one day all their unhealthy coping mechanisms will come back to haunt them when they get older. I am always tired and feel like crap a lot due to damage from my teens and twenties. I had medication from the age of 8 (to 11) when I was wrongly diagnosed with epilepsy. I am surprised I even made it to 30 too. I know my potential fate and I accept that my life may be short like my Dad’s was (he died at 62). I make the best of it even though life has been extremely bad for me at some points.