I never progress properly.

I have taken myself back several steps by eating a big bar of chocolate two evenings in a row. I now look really chunky in the dress I am wearing today. I swear that my waist has grown in a few days but my lower stomach has gone down a bit due to making sure that I drank enough water between not so healthy drinks. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I have let my surroundings get out of control again. It overwhelms me just looking at it. I can’t leave it due to things needing to be cleaned. I have really tried to not let things affect me but that can’t be a choice. I know that I have been discarded by someone because I am not useful to them. I can’t stop the way that they treated me pulling me down affecting my mental health. They may be happy fat but I am not. I don’t want to be this way. I should be at least a size 8 now after all the miles I have walked even without counting going the gym since September last year. I am not because since they emotionally hurt me at christmas my weight loss has stopped. I am doing exactly the same things apart from drinking and eating sessions fuelled by the way they treated me. I want an apology but I won’t get one due to the way they stubbornly always think they’re right. If they quit all their bullshit then their son may want something to do with them. I wouldn’t mind if their narcissistic behaviour wasn’t impacting me. There is BPD behaviours but this is intentionally acting in a way that they know hurts me. I am understanding due to being a bit of a narcissist when younger. However, when I learnt about BPD etc I made a effort to change even though it is quite hard. There are still times when I unleash my BPD side when someone crosses me but I have to be extremely angry. After 5 months they cannot be angry anymore so their behaviour is now unreasonable.

4 responses to “I never progress properly.”

  1. How do I report and block a fellow “Blogger” who’s comment on your blog led to a site that was nothing but pornography!


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