Maybe I am affected more than I am willing to admit.

I am in bed already. I know it is only half 7 at night. That certainly doesn’t mean that I am going to sleep yet. I feel tired and ache from my gym session yesterday. I went for a walk before the rain started this evening. I had a bath when I got back because I felt achy. I have such jelly like muscles today due to pushing them last night. They will go back to normal in a few days but bloated from monthly hormones so it is hard to tell what is related to which part. Anyway, I do feel affected by my friends actions. I am trying not to be but it is really difficult when you have a combination of autism and bpd. It didn’t help that I really started to perk up when we were getting to know each other. Then it was like a huge crash downwards for me when we were no longer talking. There is no way that they will change their mind. I did try a few times but there is no changing their decision not to speak to me. I have to accept it regardless of how it has torn me apart underneath.

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