I don’t like drinking alcohol now.

I was fine about getting drunk at 11pm when I started drinking but I feel terrible by 4am. I had chips for an early breakfast. There are no rules about what is the normal food to have for breakfast. I haven’t slept yet but my alarm is set for lunch time. I feel hungover despite drinking a glass of water. I hate this lifestyle but I cannot completely quit. I never used to drink alcohol regularly since I lived down south over a decade ago (that was only socially). I hate this habit but emotional pain is such a trigger for taking alcohol to numb it. I am suffering and my friend who walked away knows this but she refuses to come back. The irony that she gives it all that about supporting people but an ex friend who made a mistake needs her right in front of her eyes shows that she is completely fake.