Nightmare day. I can’t stay like this!

I got fat because I slept during the day too much. I can’t lose weight or even gain it because of how my lifestyle has become. I got so desperate I literally asked my mum if I could move back to hers. I am fed up of this reality. I had to go to mums to get out of my coat earlier due to a zip malfunction. I never ended up going for my planned walk so that is more fat accumulating. I don’t want to be like this anymore. I hate my life with a passion.

I messed up again.

I finally fell asleep this morning. I completely forgot to take medication. I just woken up about half 6 in the evening. I can’t live like this any longer. I have completely confused my body in regard to whether it is day or night. I look and feel a complete mess. Half of me doesn’t want to get up but the other thinks I should go to the gym. Then the rest of me hates facing the mess, dust and everything around me in my flat. I feel like I am wasting my days and it is becoming stressful.

I don’t like drinking alcohol now.

I was fine about getting drunk at 11pm when I started drinking but I feel terrible by 4am. I had chips for an early breakfast. There are no rules about what is the normal food to have for breakfast. I haven’t slept yet but my alarm is set for lunch time. I feel hungover despite drinking a glass of water. I hate this lifestyle but I cannot completely quit. I never used to drink alcohol regularly since I lived down south over a decade ago (that was only socially). I hate this habit but emotional pain is such a trigger for taking alcohol to numb it. I am suffering and my friend who walked away knows this but she refuses to come back. The irony that she gives it all that about supporting people but an ex friend who made a mistake needs her right in front of her eyes shows that she is completely fake.