Enjoy is not the word that I would use.

Those that know me will know that I walk regularly and go the gym a few times a week. I do not enjoy the routine. This is merely a way to get my figure back in the long term. I sometimes hate it depending on many factors. This evening is lovely and warm, not raining etc. I would be definitely not enjoying it if it was raining and cold. I am also not a naturally sporty gym person so my routine at the gym is literally a case of making myself go a few times a week to tick off a programme that I have set on fitness pal based on what I have worked up to be able to lift on weight machines. That way I can increase the weight when the previous one gets easy to lift. I have to reduce the amount of alcohol I consume otherwise muscles don’t grow to lift the next level of weights. I already had a lot of developed muscle in my legs due to walking a lot for years. I also hate eating more because I have always eaten less than the average person. I had to build up muscle in my arms which helped me lose 3 inches off my waist. And, I still refuse to step on scales because they make me feel bad about myself.

I can’t just not feel stuff on demand.

I am aware that I shouldn’t let someone else’s actions keep me up at night but it isn’t easy. It is part of my condition. Autism and BPD cause this and it can go on for many years. I have a stress migraine from it. I don’t even know if stress caused the inflammation in my toe and leg. That is how it could affect me. I don’t want to be affected but my disability issues could cause those issues. I haven’t managed to get my toe to not be swollen since the other day. I am going to start strapping it again so it doesn’t rub while I have shoes on. The running my foot under the cold tap has worked well as it has left my ankle not swollen at all after a year of injury related healing swelling.