I think that it is only fair that I spell out what I want in life. I feel that it will help others know where they stand when it comes to me. I am not looking for something serious but I am looking to settle down eventually leading to having another child. I don’t have much time left to do that. I have about 5 to 10 years of being able to have children left. That depends on how many eggs I have that are any good. There is less chance of getting pregnant once I hit 40 depending on when my periods decide to finish. I don’t mind if I have children with a woman or a man. It will be more straight forward with a man of course but there are ways women can have children as a couple now (not all options are expensive). I am really not fussed at this point of my life. I will get what I can in the limited time I have left to have another child. I don’t want to be on my own the next time. I do have a habit of rushing things because I know what I want. I also pull back because I am unsure as I have never committed to anyone in a relationship before.
I may not have got much done today but I feel better than I have done in years on this date. I physically feel like crap due to being on monthly and hope that medication stops any accidents on walk. I am wearing white so I keep checking my backside just in case. I am sure that I will be ok on only the second day. I am just being overly cautious… I hope. I just need a break from being inside for a bit. I still have a lot of unfinished stuff to go back to at home. I meant to get up and do it but the idiot that I am gave themselves stomach ache from eating an easter egg knowing what lactose does to me. I suffered most of the day and now I have to buy another one because I agreed to share it. The cat was going crazy for it too. He didn’t get much because they are also lactose intolerant and I didn’t want a huge mess to clear up.
I woke up near lunch time. I slept a little bit last night but not until quite late. I ate my easter egg which probably wasn’t the best idea. I had the worse cramps and had to use the toilet. I can’t take in too much milk based stuff without suffering due to being lactose intolerant. I also felt sick so it wasn’t really worth it. I need to get up soon to clean and tidy (still not caught up). I had some cuddles with Mimi (cat) after my breakfast (lunchfast) and working my way to getting out of bed. I can’t smile today… too tired and monthly is making me feel yuck. The last person that made me smile after years also hurt me and left so not going to be back to normal yet. I will never let my guard down again; even the last time I was reluctant and really unsure about it.