Today didn’t go to plan.

I couldn’t sleep last night then had to get up for a telephone appointment with GP which never happened again. The annoying thing is that the doctor put down that they had tried to ring me when I can prove that never happened. I was by my mobile phone the entire morning and that was the number that they said they had rang. I have been advised to make a complaint about the surgery. I know how to and the organisation which I have go through. I just don’t need the hassle right now. I can barely sleep at night and that is having an impact on my home surroundings looking grubby and dust everywhere. I can’t keep on top of that when trying to get some sleep during the day. I am stressed about it. The never ending cycle of trying to play catch up and never quite managing to do it is really stressful.

I no longer want to be friends and this is what I think…

I do not want to be friends with Sam D any more because of the way she treated me. She is an awful person who took me for granted and fell out with me for trying to help. I also was forwarded a video by someone with her telling her abortion story. I am not a pro life type of person but I think she was a selfish narcissist who loved playing god on making the choice which of her children lived or died. She literally got pregnant straight after her abortion if you work out the timeline. I am not a spiteful person. However, it is women like her who made sure my generation didn’t even get the chance to be a mother without their children being directed for adoption. I do not mince my words, I say it exactly how I see it. We were punished for the previous generation abusing their kids (her son literally told me she had abused him emotionally and physically). I have spent 9 years and two months away from my son (last saw him at 14 months old at final contact before he was officially adopted) because of women like her and the likes of baby p’s mother. The system didn’t give many of us in my generation a chance due to cruel mothers who did awful things to their children. Childhood trauma is absolutely no excuse. Our generation get our babies taken into care and placed for adoption for historical reasons just like that… before being given a chance or doing anything wrong! If Sam wants a valid reason not to speak to me then now she has it. I hope that she goes to hell when she dies because that is where evil abusive people belong.