I can’t sleep again.

I feel restless again. I haven’t slept yet and it is 4 am already. I kept waking up every hour last night and today while I was sleeping in until late. I don’t feel like that has been proper sleep because I am still really tired. I am not worried about anything but have been thinking (never helps sleep). The energy prices going up will mean I will have to top up both gas and electric account every second or third day. There’s quite a lot of people planning to not pay their direct debits in protest. That affects credit score which will stop access to loans, credit cards and mortgages. Refusing to pay utility companies takes your number down. I fully understand why people want to take that action though, some may not have a choice due to not having the money. I can see from my smart metre reading that it won’t be an easy time. Nearly £6 on gas by midnight! It used to be £2 to £3 usage a day! Electric used to be less than £1 per day but it was nearly £2 by end of today! I will probably have to move at some point anyway. I am half expecting notice to take back flat from landlords agent by the end of the year. They had the plan to sell it around this time. I am just sat here until others make a final decision and provide paperwork. I don’t want to move but I haven’t got a choice if owners wish to sell.

I’m still upset about what happened with my friend (well, ex friend now permanently). The worse thing is that in regard to her life situations with what I got involved in. I know exactly how she feels in relation to her son. I have dealt with those feelings for ten years regarding my son not being in my life due to him being adopted. We all meet for a reason. I shouldn’t have tried to fix it for her but to me her situation was a lot easier to repair than mine. I did what I thought was best and didn’t have to be honest … most people wouldn’t be upfront and admit it. That shows I am a decent friend.

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