I am tired but can’t sleep again.

I have just let the cat in after he decided to come in for the night. He has now settled down next to me on the bed where he falls asleep next to me. I can’t sleep despite only having two hours last night. Well, yesterday morning… 8 am until about half 10. Insomnia is really bad at the moment. I get stressed out because I can’t sleep which keeps me awake even more. I am worse when I have to be places for a certain time. I barely slept when I was going to college etc. I fell asleep easier in my early 20s when I first did my media production btec than my late twenties when I went back to do gcses. Trauma can deeply affect aspects of a person’s life. Maybe I am not settled mentally enough to sleep much since losing my son to adoption etc. I don’t feel unsettled but I probably no longer notice it because this feels normal to me. I’m probably not over it, that doesn’t happen but it is all filed in the back of my mind now. I cried over everything for many years but that disappears in time. I carry on because there is no other choice. I do still hurt over it all sometimes… like his birthday which is in a fortnight.

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