I just can’t sleep tonight :(

I am tired and have tried to sleep but my emotional trauma is keeping me awake. The way my ex friend is treating me is making me feel sick. That is how they put the stress into me. I try my best… that is never good enough. Then I can’t sleep because the way it affects my emotions keeps me awake. The trauma of rejection is very deep rooted in me. The way I am is a constant risk that further rejection is going to add to trauma. The other person is keeping me awake indirectly due to that. The way it affects me is annoying. I probably won’t sleep properly again unless the other person is my friend again. That is a temporary fix for the current layer of trauma but I have several layers from my past. There is a part of me that wants to just walk in front of a car because I feel the world just doesn’t want me. The other half is too chicken to do the suicide route. I always seem to be there for others when they’re down and having a hard time but those same people never return the favour when the shoe is on the other foot.

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