Slightly feeling better today.

I feel better today. I need to ditch alcohol days completely because it makes me feel like crap for days after. I am off to the gym later. I decided to go for a walk in this lovely weather. I will only need to do the weight machines at the gym later if I walk a few hours. I will only have to do the cross trainer rather than the bikes too later. It is technically a rule to loose more actual fat to do weights then cardio machines. I still have water in one leg which is making me feel fat. I can’t get rid of it. It either collects in my hip or thigh. I do need to get that leg checked out in case the swellings are anything sinister. I was given the AstraZeneca vaccine before they found out that it was giving my age group blood clots. I injured my ankle around the same time. It will cause issues if something like that breaks free from my leg. It will also be nice not to have a swollen leg because they get rid of the clot. I have been holding off getting my leg looked at in case it was just fat but now a stone has dropped off me I can see that my leg is an odd shape. The top of my leg on one side bloats into a weird shape. I felt pain in my hip when at the gym a few weeks ago and that place still aches so I definitely need to get it seen to within the next week or so. I hate hospitals because it takes hours to be seen and to get somewhere I have to ring GP at 8am. I have to prepare myself to do phone calls and work up the patience to endure hours waiting at a hospital.

I have felt down the last few days.

I can’t sleep again. I’m also unable to move in my bed because the cats have laid down either side of me and I am sandwiched in the middle. I didn’t have the can’t sleep issue for a while. I was feeling down the last few days even before missing my medication yesterday. I feel like I am failing in life. I barely fit into any of my clothes despite losing a bit of weight. I struggle to keep everything clean and tidy. I feel like I am just getting by. I don’t want to be awake and can’t sleep at night. I can’t drop any more weight no matter how hard I try. I literally didn’t eat most of today but when I did my stomach bloated so much it looked like I hadn’t lost weight. It doesn’t do that when I eat normally during the day. I am just fed up. I don’t progress any more… I merely just exist stuck in time.