Am I destined for a certain life?

I am hormonal, bloated and quite fed up today. I have so much to still do when I get out of bed and am dressed out of my pjs. I often wonder if I am destined to be alone and disconnected. I literally get a feeling every time I enter a friendship or am doing something that I enjoy. I instinctively know that it won’t last long. It will be fleeting … like that is somehow my destiny. Maybe we aren’t all supposed to be happy. Karma from a previous lifetime if I did something terrible like took the life of another is firmly holding me back from having anything in my life or something? Maybe I literally have a dark evil soul that was sent back to struggle and never feel love or acceptance. I have trued to avoid the inevitable every time that I settle but it still happens. As soon as I was content with where I lived after years of wanting to move the landlord wants to sell. Dad was my preferred parent but he died when I was in my early 20s. I got pregnant and really wanted my son but he was taken for adoption. I did everything to try to stop the adoption but karma wouldn’t let me, literally everything went wrong. I got labelled a criminal and sectioned from a young age so now many career options are off limits for me. I was petrified that my latest friend was going to walk away for weeks before it happened. I always desired a best friend. Karma refuses to let me have one because they get snatched away every time I get comfortable. I always know that what I really value in life won’t last long. This all makes sense.