I have perked up a lot since I started taking the iron tablets. I have already had 3 dosages and my energy is starting to slowly return. I still didn’t like getting out of bed this morning but the mess around my environment due to me being too exhausted to do things makes me feel down. I keep doing bits so it looks less bad. I made time to go to the gym after tidying and cleaning a little. I found out how to stop my toe from swelling up further. I covered the end of my foot in a bandage every time that I am going to wear footwear like shoes and trainers. Plasters don’t seem to protect enough. I don’t want to get it seen to. I am sure that if I stop it swelling anymore the actual issue will go down itself, there is just too much swelling around it for that to happen at the moment.
I am hormonal, bloated and quite fed up today. I have so much to still do when I get out of bed and am dressed out of my pjs. I often wonder if I am destined to be alone and disconnected. I literally get a feeling every time I enter a friendship or am doing something that I enjoy. I instinctively know that it won’t last long. It will be fleeting … like that is somehow my destiny. Maybe we aren’t all supposed to be happy. Karma from a previous lifetime if I did something terrible like took the life of another is firmly holding me back from having anything in my life or something? Maybe I literally have a dark evil soul that was sent back to struggle and never feel love or acceptance. I have trued to avoid the inevitable every time that I settle but it still happens. As soon as I was content with where I lived after years of wanting to move the landlord wants to sell. Dad was my preferred parent but he died when I was in my early 20s. I got pregnant and really wanted my son but he was taken for adoption. I did everything to try to stop the adoption but karma wouldn’t let me, literally everything went wrong. I got labelled a criminal and sectioned from a young age so now many career options are off limits for me. I was petrified that my latest friend was going to walk away for weeks before it happened. I always desired a best friend. Karma refuses to let me have one because they get snatched away every time I get comfortable. I always know that what I really value in life won’t last long. This all makes sense.