Woke up feeling depressed. :(

I was okish before daylight. I started to feel so depressed at just the thought of being awake for the day. It fills me with anxiety and feels overwhelming. I may not want the friendship back that fell apart but it’s had a huge impact on my health. I am more depressed than I have been in a long time. I have the worse sleep patterns right now. I can’t sleep for more than a few hours. I am unsettled mentally even when I can’t feel that I am. I don’t feel like I get sleep because I wake up feeling so crap. I can’t keep not getting up some days it’s making me fatter. I am losing eyelashes again. I don’t see daylight enough. I am wrecked and I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I seem to give so much but not get any returns. I am broken. I started questioning reality last night. What if mental illness has made me see stuff in the past which wasn’t really there? I saw something on psychosis and it really got me worried. What if I can’t trust what my eyes see? I wouldn’t know if I was seeing stuff? I could have a screwed up brain and not even be aware.