I just can’t sleep at night and constantly sleep/wake all day so barely getting any proper sleep. I have no control how certain situations are affecting me. I have had the fact that I have to move when they sell this place in the near future keeping me awake for a while now. That isn’t doing me any good but I have been looking to find somewhere else. There is still a worry while I am on a rolling contract. I am supposed to get 3 months notice (sometimes they do 2 months) but finding a place affordable is proving difficult. The ones that are the lower end of rent scale get snapped up before I get a chance. Moving is a huge task in itself. There is furniture like my wardrobe that I don’t know how we will get out. We had to take it apart last time and someone else who is no longer living around here has to build it back up for us. I know that it has to be done but I am dreading it. The cats have never known anywhere else so getting them settled will be quite difficult.
On a whole other level… somewhat more is the thing that happened with my friend. Well, I thought they were my friend. I feel so lost and unsure of myself now they have cut me off. This situation is keeping me awake a lot more. I am hurting at being cast aside like I meant nothing after what I did for them. I checked up on them every day to see if they were ok. I sent them something and I genuinely cared. I feel like a fool for wasting my time on a friendship that was never going anywhere. I look back after it all blew up and ended, only then did I realise that they bread crumbed me. They never really gave me enough. I always gave them more than they ever offered me back. I really thought it was meant to be as soon as we started communicating. I felt an instant connection. Obviously, they never gave a shit about any sort of connection. It is hurting me really deeply. I tried to help, my actions weren’t malicious. I feel like they did the equivalent of chucking me in the bin. People only do that to rubbish that meant nothing to them. That destroys me after all the effort I put in.