I can’t pretend anymore.

I have tried to not be affected but I can’t hide it. This is subconsciously destroying me in the background in between life stuff. I am deeply cut up by what happened with my friend at Christmas and the fact they they now won’t speak to me since then. I don’t want to give them the satisfaction that they are getting into my head. I haven’t seen daylight in days due to my sleep being all over the place. I am sure the stress of it all had an impact on the severity of my monthly issues (that has happened before when things have happened in the past). This is a huge weight on me while we haven’t been talking. I want a fresh start with them because it is extremely stressful for me the way things are at the moment. I hate myself enough for crossing the line. I can’t take it back. I also shouldn’t be punished any longer. I will never pull any shit like that again if I am given another chance. I misjudged the situation because I didn’t take into account the history that I didn’t know. I need a chance for the sake of my own wellbeing.