I am very aware that the likes of TikTok is full of bitching and stirring. I just want to put how I feel forward so that anyone negatively discussing me with the friend I fell out with are proven to be doing that kind of crap. I am not perfect. I have a past but that isn’t me now. I only want to be happy with no shit going on nowadays. I don’t want the friendship to have ended for good. Most people in this life genuinely do not give a shit about someone else when they are supposedly friends. That happens all the time as an adult due to most of them being able to fake feelings. I assure everyone that those doing the shit stirring and name bashing are those exact types. I never faked my feelings. I truly cared and I miss being in communication with Sam. I am holding back on how it has truly affected me. I am more broken underneath than I show. I am getting exhausted trying to do normal right now. I may seem like I am blasé about this and what happened but it is difficult ok. Do not get involved. You will just antagonise the other party into hating me forever and never speaking to me again! That will have a drastic effect on my mental health which is going downhill after what has happened already. Sam was special to me. I have no choice in the way I feel ok. I may have never truly been in love but it still causes me emotional distress. The longer the silence between us that seems to increase. I put a brave face on but I am broken inside. That friendship we had online was building me back up and when it broke down (yes it was my fault and the self hatred levels have never been higher) I started regressing back to how broken I was before we got to know each other. So please can others shut the fuck up about things they cannot feel.