I had a rough day.

I literally couldn’t stay awake so ended up falling asleep on tbs sofa for a few hours. That was fine until I realise that due to me relaxing… I had leaked on my sofa. I had to clean that up when I woke up and then had to go in the bath to get myself clean. I am trying not to take anything for it because I want it to get rid of whatever naturally as much as possible. I might take the medication I have for this problem before I go to bed to get some uninterrupted sleep. I am planning to go bed early tonight because I feel beyond exhausted.

And, the fake accounts are back.

One of the names that popped up during the university situation has approached me via TikTok on one of my videos when I was reading the tarot cards. I am seriously not in the mood to deal with rubbing it in type comments. I will get those accounts traced and report them. I am not having the best time right now. I don’t need comments like ‘some things are just that way’ and shame I keep doing this to myself so’. They started this way before and then it gets more vicious and personal. I will not put up with it. Things affect me extremely badly so I don’t want to put up with snide comments. I moved on like others wanted from the university situation. I had to change my landline and mobile number due to getting silent calls. I will not be subjected to stuff again. I have a year full of enforced changes because I have to move out due to landlord selling. I am stressed enough without anon troll accounts attacking me. I have paid my dues for my past. I just want to be happy and at peace!

I am having an awful night.

I haven’t been able to sleep because of my monthly being uncomfortable. I feel so awful … it has made up for behaving itself over the last few days. I definitely won’t be doing much today. I am hoping that it passes so that I can go the gym tomorrow. I need to get back to routine as soon as possible or my progress will get ruined. I think my muscles are still going through the firming up process after my last work out. I worked them harder than ever before last week due to fitting 3 sessions in rather than my normal 2. I am still getting random twinges in my muscles and since I felt those I feel firmer. I am finding things that I previously lifted feel lighter now I have built the weights that I do at the gym. I found it harder to build up my arm strength than my legs. The leg strengthening part prevents my legs feeling tired so easily on walks. I can comfortably walk further than I ever could since building my strength at the gym. I have managed to walk for nearly 4 hours on one occasion a few weeks ago. I only started aching in the last hour of that walk. It is normally my lower back that decides to start aching rather than my legs. I am proud of my progress but need to stop ruining it consuming alcohol. I have stopped drinking again for now but my will power is not strong. It is just a matter of time before I end up drinking every evening again.

Gym didn’t happen today.

I didn’t get up anyway due to my awful sleep pattern but my monthly has properly come on. I want to go the gym tomorrow but I don’t know which way it is going to go yet. I got pains so it probably will stop me going tomorrow. I didn’t have the best day. I spent all day in bed because I am just so tired and fed up. I want my friend to speak to me (well ex friend by their choice). I did the wrong thing but the silent treatment has punished me long enough. I think it is immature and it hurts me which they must enjoy otherwise they wouldn’t be carrying this behaviour on. I gave our friendship everything but they discarded me so easily. I didn’t have to do that. I feel like it was a complete waste of my time now. I know that the friendship will never be the same but if they don’t speak to me then it will never be ok between us. I’m not the one causing the silence between us. It is entirely in their control because that is the side remaining stubborn. I am willing to talk to them. They won’t talk to me. Only they can change that. I don’t ask for forgiveness just to not be given the silent treatment anymore because it is affecting my mental health negatively. I don’t want to drink alcohol but the way they make me feel is a trigger.