I am not experienced in relationships.

I don’t do love, valentines day or whatever. I am not a killjoy but I just have never been interested in being in a relationship. In that department I effectively a virgin. I had sex a few times but one was merely to get pregnant and the other was a stupid mistake when I was drunk. In both cases I wasn’t in a relationship. I wouldn’t know how and my inexperience would result in messing it up so I just don’t go there. I am so used to living as a single person so changing that life would be an alien experience to me. I do feel like I am missing out but I fear what I have never ventured into and my experiences with people has ruined my trust in anyone which has created a vast amount of anxiety. I always do something stupid to ruin things due to that anxiety. Then I don’t forgive myself for it. Then that is obviously another potential relationship down the pan.

3 responses to “I am not experienced in relationships.”

  1. I’m slightly loath to unearth the “you just haven’t found the right person” cliché but it is true; I think a big part of that is that you set your sights too low. I know I argued with you when you talked about BPD but actually I think you’re right and it would explain a lot. Fortunately it is quite fixable, even after all the stuff you’ve been through; the tricky bit is finding out how.

    And the “I was drunk” thing: you know that wasn’t on you… and the law agrees. Not that I’m pushing you in that direction, just don’t take the blame for other people’s shit. I know you always have done but that doesn’t make it true.

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