Day: February 6, 2022

I got up lunchtime (it was a Sunday so not that lazy! , always wake up for breakfast and medication quite early while feeding the cats but go back to sleep). I did a bit of housework but not a lot. I did it to get all the bits off the floor and so I didn’t have to come back to pots in the kitchen sink. I got to the gym later on before I went to a relatives house for Sunday dinner. I did my weight resistance training on the machines but didn’t stay that long because the drinks machine didn’t work. I had to subsequently do my workout without a bottle of water. I didn’t weigh myself today because I am not ready to face them again.

I went back to sleep because I woke up feeling like I had an exhausted brain. It is hard to describe but it feels like brain frazzle. That happens when I really push myself. I am fine when I have slept it off. I woke up to a direct message alert off TikTok popped up on phone notifications. I let it fill me with hope that my friend had decided to speak to me again. I opened it but it wasn’t them. It was just one of the accounts trying to promote their videos. I am now really gutted despite not believing they would speak to me again anyway. I let myself hope and now I am hurting again. I would love another chance which is the soul destroying part. I know how stubborn they are and the way they hold onto things that hurt them. They will never believe that I truly cared. They will always see me as untrustworthy.

I didn’t get to blog until later because I was quite busy. I went for a long walk and got my food shop on the way. The wind was making my walk more challenging especially when the wind was blowing the opposite direction when I was walking up a hilly part. I got back just after dark before the wind got stronger but it was really making my walk feel so much harder. I was also irritates by my hair constantly blowing in my face despite it being tied up. I was doing some of the housework when I got back home. Then I watched a film on television so I haven’t had time to blog until now.

I think that I have overdone it, I feel really sick, but I wanted to make an effort after not doing a lot yesterday. I also needed to burn off the alcohol that I had last night. I am hopefully going to the gym tomorrow before my relatives for lunch.