Day: February 1, 2022

I was wondering why the dust was constantly coming back in my flat. I found my vacuum cleaners filter absolutely packed with dust. I washed it out and dried it… finally the dust isn’t coming back. It starts spreading dust out of its vents when it gets to the point of needing to be washed out. I had a drink of alcohol tonight as a treat for sorting my flat out. I don’t really like the taste any more but I wanted to chill. I got my food for the week so I can go the gym tomorrow and finish off my flat over the next few days. I am doing better than I have been but I swear that I have a fight with my brain more than once a day on a daily basis.

I am beginning to grow out of my favourite person thing. I no longer feel emotionally passionate and have the inability to feel that I can do life without them. I did truly love them though. That is something I just know. I do feel down about them not speaking to me sometimes but I can’t fix that due to them blocking me. I know that they are far from ideal for me … we can’t help who we fall for … most of these people are normally no good for us. I see all their negative aspects. I know that in some respects I can be just as bad. I don’t judge because I have absolutely no right to do that after my own past. I don’t have that right after the lies and the way I have acted in my life. I have been an awful, unstable mess during parts of my own life. Extremely egotistic, self-centred and selfish at my very worse times. That is why I know that no one I ever find to be with will actually be perfect. That just isn’t my karma.

I didn’t get up until late. I still managed to get a few things done which has made my surroundings look better than they did. I even painted my nails which is something I haven’t done for months. I made sure that I had a lot to drink today (non-alcoholic) to try to help my dry skin issues. I know that I am absolutely rubbish at drinking the required fluid which makes me feel awful. I like to try to avoid headaches because when I get them sometimes they last for days. I deep conditioned my hair earlier so that shouldn’t be dry textured anymore. I definitely needed a day just to recharge and take things easy. I still got things done but in small chunks at my own pace. The cats also like it when I don’t go out the entire day, they enjoy my company either napping next to them or coming to sit down on my lap while watching tv. I also do play with their toys with them but they are getting older and would rather sleep nowadays.