I still messed up my new pattern.

I haven’t had alcohol in 2 days so far. I have got a lot more done than normal since actually making an effort to be awake during the day. Then I stay up too late after napping briefly at someone else’s house. I am still tired enough to fall asleep quite quickly but its still extremely late. I just let my cat outside so he will probably wake me up demanding to come in the window soon. I have my lymphatic drainage massage session tomorrow afternoon so I can’t sleep in later anyway. I will never ace this sleep pattern thing. Life stuff makes it impossible. I think too much. I have too much self hatred and blame toward myself during rest times. I hate myself for messing up my latest friendship. It is my fault that they are no longer in my life. I constantly am beating myself up about that. The longing for things to be like how they were between us is intrusively intense in my mind at the moment. I said that I would push myself to move on. That is what I am trying to do but my mind likes to wander into places I am stubbornly refusing to go during the times that I am doing stuff.