No sleep again.

It is nearly 5 am. I am highly doubtful that I will get to sleep at this point. I had a good work our, came home, had a bath, some food and then alcohol. I don’t feel drunk but still miss my friend so this is the easiest way to block that out. I won’t have to be under the influence of alcohol every evening for long. It is just until I forget them and stop feeling as if I miss them. I don’t know how long that will take but blocking out my feelings right now is self care. People around me are getting into my head saying that my friend was just waiting for an excuse to end the friendship. I am honestly beginning to believe that. I am sure that no one wants someone with a simple broken brain like myself. I was a complete fool to ever think that anyone could truly like this package. It just seems like no one sees me as a person worth loving. I am simply just an object which others use. I have feelings too and emotionally invest in relationships despite having a form of autism. I am not some feelingless robot. I wouldn’t be losing sleep over things if that was the case.