I’m trying my best…

I spent most of the day in bed after taking medication and having breakfast. I am not sleeping at night right now. Instead, I sleep when I can. Then, at least I get some sleep even if it isn’t much. I know that it isn’t practical to do this forever. I spend my nights really upset at what happened with my friend and crying my eyes out. I know it is pathetic crying and losing sleep over someone who didn’t care about me but I just can’t help it. All my bad habits came back strongly after they cut contact with me. I guess that I needed them more than I realised when they were in my life. I also hate it when I don’t have control. The other person holds all the cards because they have me blocked on social media. I only blocked them on those channels for 24 hours… well not even a day. Then they took my control away from me. That is part of BPD, autism etc and that will always be an issue where there will be a battle whether we talk again or not. I tried to make sure that I never needed another person so that I never got heartbroken again. I guess it isn’t so easy as blocking things out and developing a thick skin. I went the gym so that at least weight gain won’t be an issue for me. As long as I keep going consistently then it should keep going down. I am trying to be. I went twice last week. I sometimes can’t go when monthly is on but it seems to be behaving itself mostly this time. I changed my diet to mostly plant based and have been drinking more water. It seems to help those health issues. I can at least do things this month. The last few months before I changed anything I was unable to go out. I find that it is also getting better as my weight is reducing.