I thought I could but I can’t.

I have two sides of myself pulling me in opposite directions. One half of me wanted to move on. The other half of me can’t and that side is winning right now. I couldn’t sleep for the rest of the night because I am so frustrated with not having a person that I truly loved in my life… even if it was just online right now I still valued it. Although stupid me didn’t realise it at the time and threw it all away. I have been crying for hours. I am too frustrated waiting now and I cannot properly move on because I liked what we had too much. I feel left out in the cold. I don’t want to stay out in the cold any longer. This is destroying me even though I keep a brave face pretending that I am fine. I am totally not fine. I feel like I am on my own now. I don’t trust others enough to make any new connections at the moment. I am lost and so very broken without whatever that was that we had between each other on TikTok.