I don’t have the ability to be a narcissist.

I was going to post this in the morning but since I have woken up at a stupid hour after not being asleep long I shall do it now. I have mentioned that I think like a child. That also means that I simply do not have the ability to be an intentional narcissist. I just can’t do mean stuff. The mistakes that I make are due to thinking like a child. The reason that I think like a child is due to a head injury I had at 8 years old. I basically never developed parts of the areas that should be by the time I was an adult. It was never helped by being autistic because I was a little behind anyway. Then I was medicated for epilepsy from 8 to 11 years old which made me a zombie. I then got sectioned and given strong psychiatric medications as a teenager and in my early 20s. I abused painkillers for many years. I have been on and off antidepressants since a teenager. I can drive and do many other things that adults can do. I was just left with the social capacity of a child. It isn’t all bad. I still see things in a naïve exciting glow rather than shades of grey like adults normally view the world. And, as I have previously said, I love unconditionally. I just cannot see the unpleasant things about people. I don’t know if my ability to dream things and pick up random things intuitively is connected or a separate thing. That can get annoying though. I have had the same person that I used to know a while back popping up in my dreams randomly for the last two years now. I had never seen them in my dreams for years. There was only one occasion that they appeared in a dream when we were around each other in life. Then nothing for over 3 years and then suddenly 3 or 4 times over each year they randomly pop up in all kinds of different dreams. It isn’t like there will ever be a connection in the waking life between us. There are many reasons why that is the case which I cannot go into right now. It also isn’t who everyone would probably assume.

I am one person you can absolutely trust due to my childlike thinking. I can’t do malice. I think innocently and have no hidden motives. I am also reasonable looking so that is another reason to want me for who I am. I am saying this all to prove to the friend that walked away from me that I didn’t make the mistake that I did with any intentions other than the childlike hope that I could fix things for them. It was that innocent in my simple little brain.

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