Woke up at 3 am and now stuck awake.

I randomly woke up at 3am. I haven’t been able to get back to sleep. I got woken up by my cat deciding that he wanted to go out and noisy owls outside. They must have been hooting loudly if I could hear them from inside. I feel like I am also getting a cold. That means I will have to take a covid test (got a box full of them) before I go the gym today and hairdressers for highlights on Friday. I didn’t go out at all yesterday but did have my mum over my flat. I went the gym and had my massage the day before. Monday I was at Mum’s for dinner.

This week I have had more contact with people than normal. I feel quite tired after all of that. The social media in relation to the blog etc has been quite busy over the last few weeks too. I keep getting a lot of follows, people interacting with me and all the notifications can be rather overwhelming. I did a lot of promotional work for the blog leading up to Christmas and New Year. That has led to this surge in follows and likes. That may be the exhausting part of running a blog but it is a necessary one. I have readers that have been regular blog viewers for many years. However, you don’t grow anything if you don’t put yourself out there and try to branch out in regards to networks of audiences that could be potential new readers for the blog. I find that part is the bit that drains me.

I can’t progress to any kind of influencer type stage unless I get confident and can handle social interactions to a certain point without it knocking me down for days after. I have to make that a goal if I am ever going to make what I do a form of income. If you’re successful in that kind of thing you can earn quite a lot. I have all these people around me but I am still missing the person that fell out with me. I even know that they’re not a good person underneath. I was constantly told that by my intuition but I refused to listen. It was then confirmed by what I found out trying to help. Some people pretend to have a mental illness,BPD especially, when interacting online when they’re actually full blown narcissists who probably deserve everything they got handed in life. I feel a fool for being taken in. I feel used when I think that I was kind enough to post a gift to them. I seem to have the word sucker tattooed on my forehead which these types can see a mile off.

Author: Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).

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