I knew today was going to feel long.

I think that I only had about 3 hours sleep in total last night. I had my massage this morning. I then went to the gym (despite being told not to do much after my appointment). I stick to my plans and do whatever I can do. I have a lot of housework to do when I get back so I am making the most of being out. I literally got up, dressed and rushed out the door (had to feed the cats due to being followed around my flat by them). I have really struggled to get through today on only a few hours sleep. I am not drinking alcohol from today again. I ran out yesterday and I will not allow myself to buy any more. It is no longer a new years resolution because I failed it in the first few days. I can’t drink like that any longer. It isn’t good for me every single night. I won’t ever lose my excess weight either. I end up wired and unable to sleep when I drink those things. That is fine temporarily but long term it makes me hyper so I literally can’t function properly. I don’t know how I got into this habit. I was someone who never used to drink unless socially on a special occasion. I then turned into someone that drank alcohol like water in the evenings when lockdown happened. I am not even sure that I actually enjoy alcohol, it just became part of my routine. I don’t feel attractive at 12 stone something. I have managed to lose a stone and lightened my hair. I am going lighter but next tome someone else more professional is bleaching it as I managed to shop around to find a decent price for a whole head of highlights. I had the patch test today so hopefully I don’t react to it and we can go ahead with the plan.

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