I don’t want what I keep saying!

I tried so hard to disconnect and say that I didn’t want the friendship that I lost. I am totally faking it. I can’t pretend any longer. I am just sinking further into bad habits the longer there is no contact between us. I got a lot out of that connection and I don’t want to lose it permanently. I am sorry for getting involved where I shouldn’t have. I never did it in malice. I am merely simply and naïve. I didn’t realise what lines I was crossing at the time. The boundaries have been well and truly spelt out now. I will pull that kind of shit again. I just need a chance. If I mess up again then I will never ask for any further chances. That friendship helped me so much more than the other person will ever know. I just want to try to get back to how things were. I know it will be difficult for a while but at least they can unblock me and reconnect. That will be a huge start to repairing the damage. I know what I want and it is impossible for me to hide it any longer. I need the connection, losing a bpd favourite person type has mentally negatively affected me.