I don’t want what I keep saying!

I tried so hard to disconnect and say that I didn’t want the friendship that I lost. I am totally faking it. I can’t pretend any longer. I am just sinking further into bad habits the longer there is no contact between us. I got a lot out of that connection and I don’t want to lose it permanently. I am sorry for getting involved where I shouldn’t have. I never did it in malice. I am merely simply and naïve. I didn’t realise what lines I was crossing at the time. The boundaries have been well and truly spelt out now. I will pull that kind of shit again. I just need a chance. If I mess up again then I will never ask for any further chances. That friendship helped me so much more than the other person will ever know. I just want to try to get back to how things were. I know it will be difficult for a while but at least they can unblock me and reconnect. That will be a huge start to repairing the damage. I know what I want and it is impossible for me to hide it any longer. I need the connection, losing a bpd favourite person type has mentally negatively affected me.

Author: Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).

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