Sleep pattern a mess.

I am still awake at 6am which wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have to be up in a few hours. I just can’t settle at night. I have too much in my head right now. I am exhausted but going through a lot of self hatred completely battering myself emotionally for things that happened. Some of it is purely selfish. I was angry at myself for losing a friendship by being honest about what I had done behind their back. Then thinking that I shouldn’t have been honest to keep the friendship that meant a lot to me. Whichever way around, I am hating on myself so badly. I do miss them but they aren’t coming back ever which hurts a lot. It’s over before it even barely began due to me being untrustworthy. That can never be repaired. I will still mentally beat myself up about it for possibly many years because that is how it works.

Author: Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).

One thought on “Sleep pattern a mess.”

  1. Hey. I’ve been following your blog lately and I’m sorry to hear about what you’ve been through. Nobody deserves to be treated the way you were, especially if you had good intentions (that were misinterpreted.) It sounds like the other person doesn’t seem like the most…reasonable or forgiving person. It sucks that they had the ability to hurt you, when you trusted them. Anyways. At the very least, it’s good to have outlets, like this, to express what you’re going through.


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