This is the reason why I deserve bad karma.

I have said that I am not innocent in several conversations between me and people I know. I never elaborated because I would just end up being looked at as an evil bitch. I was the definition of one when I was younger. I am still living out the karma because it is what I still deserve. I think that this is why I constantly try to attempt to be someone who fixes everything for others. It probably also influences what I get involved in as far as campaigns etc. I shook my son not long after he was born. I told someone and he got taken away. I was already under a social services plan due to historical reasons when they discovered I was pregnant. I also remember shouting (screaming type) at him because I felt trapped in a situation that I could not get out of. I tried to voice my concerns but no one listened. I ended up hitting my breaking point. If he has any fleeting memories of me, they definitely won’t be ones that make he have any desire to come find me. I never believed in bpd or any other mental illness at that time. Post natal related mental illness wasn’t really a thing in 2012. If you think I am head strong now then you have no idea what I was like back then. I thought there was a demon around him due to what I heard on the baby monitor. I have gifts so it is hard to tell what is mental illness and anything I am picking up.