I still feel wrecked.

I barely slept last night. I woke up with barely any battery in my phone because I was scrolling through TikTok and it was left playing a video which drains the battery. Despite everything that has happened recently, I haven’t had alcohol since just after Christmas. I am managing to stick to it but it is still only 3 days into this year. I already swerved it when I got triggered by the video that somehow came up on my fyp. I am still let down by my own body though. I have had a bad stomach for the last few days. At first it was like I was blocked up… that was uncomfortable not painful. I ate eggs which normally give me a little bit of an upset stomach anyway (food intolerance or something). Last night I ended up with stabbing stomach pains, to put it as politely as possible, I was no longer blocked up. There must have been quite a big area blocked up because before that happened my stomach swelled up like a balloon. I was also sick a little. I haven’t tried to eat yet so not sure if it has all settled down or not. I woke up with a headache. I have never had pains that badly with my IBS before. Things are getting to me. Even if I put things aside mentally, physically those things are really getting to me. That is what happens when you’re sensitive. The not so pleasant things that happen in life make you ill. I am emotionally crushed by what has gone on and it is starting to affect me. I have no emotional security which I found in the friendship that crumbled after what I did. It has just made those feelings so much more intense after seeing that the other person never saw me as a friend in the video that popped up. I was just some stranger that meant nothing. I was starting to repair from things that had happened to me while in the friendship interacting online. That past wound is now ripped right open again and all my progress is reversed. I worked so hard just to get no where in the end.

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