I don’t deserve this… I made a mistake, people do.

I am now blocked on every platform so I presume that my mistake has cost me the friendship for good otherwise I wouldn’t be blocked via every social media. Yes, I did a shitty thing which in the cold reflection of now was the worse decision I could have made. I do not deserve to be cut off forever though. This is how it is starting to look and that isn’t fair. People treat me like I have no feelings and that it doesn’t matter if they hurt me. I do feel things and their actions are hurting me. I opened up to them just for them to ditch me as a friend after a few months. That is more awful than the mistake that I made. I showed them kindness when no one else did. But now I am being stamped on like shit on their shoe. This is more than unfair. I have apologised. I meant nothing to them. They were just using me. If they had cared at all as a friend they wouldn’t treat me this way. I gave them everything that I had despite my autism. I bet they see me as less of a person due to being autistic. That makes me more loyal and real. I was genuine but they were fake and obviously using me! I am really really hurt … much more than my mistake would have hurt them. I am being tortured by them and being neurotypical with BPD they will be fully aware of the pain they are inflicting on me. I don’t like being an emotional punch bag just because it makes someone else feel better! I didn’t do anything wrong but try to help. I don’t deserve this treatment and it hurts even more since I genuinely cared about them, unlike it seems they were faking the whole friendship.

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