Repeated numbers again. These things make me so anxious.

I always get extremely anxious about starting to see signs like repeated numbers. That is simply because last time I saw them constantly for a while my life went completely pear shaped. I saw two magpies yesterday on my walk but not in the usual way. They are normally always close to each other but spread out. This pair was literally stood level next to each other not far apart. There are certain numbers that I see as bad omens, such as 1919 (keep seeing that) and 555. I literally get so anxious when I see those numbers because they constantly appeared when everything fell apart on me. I can’t cope with that again. I don’t need the hassle. I emotionally can’t do all that again. I barely got through it the last time. I don’t welcome that into my life again!

This synchronisation stuff is exactly why I don’t do romantic or remotely close relationships. They have always fell apart when I ventured close to that goal in the past. I just see them purely as a source of pain and that is why the repeated number thing now scares me. I am conditioned to think that another person can never truly love me. If they think that they do then it is some kind of mistake or for purely selfish reasons. I am simply not lovable to another person unless there is some kind of hidden agenda and they will dispose of me in a painfully brutal way when I have served my purpose. I believe that when I see repeated numbers and other signs something awful will happen. That is due to previous times when I have seen them. I literally end up terrified.