I found myself truly smiling for the first time in a long time the other week. That was since I got to know my new friend who now no longer wants to speak to me ever again. I can no longer truly smile now. I can’t even fake a smile. I just feel depressed and the hope that I had started to regain has disappeared. So I don’t think that I will ever get those aspects back now. I have absolutely no desire to do anything in life now. They let me down. And now I just want to go off the rails because I just am fed up of life being an endless drawn out thing that I don’t want to do anymore.