I don’t want things to stay like this.

I have barely slept. I don’t want the other person to never talk to me again. I unblocked their account on TikTok after I had emotionally settled down from yesterday. The settings still prevent any further contact being made. I was hoping that they would also have emotionally calmed down after yesterday. I can’t apologise more than I already have. I thought that I was doing the right thing in my stupid simple autistic mind. I had no malice and whether they believe my feelings or not … I genuinely cared! Autism means that my love is given rather innocently and purely without any hidden agendas. That is rare when it comes to neurotypicals, they aren’t used to pure love with no hidden agendas. They always assume stuff that hasn’t even crossed my mind. I may have done some awful things growing up when pushed into corners. I don’t have any malice in me though. I really beat myself up when I make mistakes because I actually do care. I was crying and extremely cut up emotionally yesterday. I didn’t sleep until really late because emotionally I was just worn out after hating myself for the entire day alongside feeling like I meant nothing as a person after what was said to me. Others can fake whole friendships and not really care. I don’t know how but I can’t do it. I know that my actions sometimes make people angry but I am not trying to be annoying or difficult. I just am me which comes with all my autistic thinking and intentions.

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