I can’t sleep :(

I went to bed early due to being upset and fed up. I still can’t sleep despite the fact that I have worn myself out crying. I am the kind of person who just doesn’t sleep until things are sorted out. The other person will never forgive me as they had no feelings for me anyway (as they so cruelly pointed out earlier). Plus, as I have blocked them on everything they can no longer message me. I was hurt so badly that I cut them off after they said don’t contact again. I don’t know how this is going to affect my mental health in general. I can’t sleep now. Earlier, my head was busy and my thoughts were overwhelming. It feels like everything is going around my head like a ping pong ball. I have a stress headache. I don’t think the knock on effects of the things that were said is going to be easy to shake off. I had the best of intentions but it didn’t look that way. I hate myself normally, this is just the extra self hatred kicking off on top. I now am stuck here when I move in April. Another area, a new start nearer my new friend was plan b (if rentals start becoming available without being snapped up so quickly if they’re at the affordable end). I have ruined more than just a potential friendship; my exit strategy from this area has now gone. I don’t do things by halves. If I screw up, I do it in an epic way. I can’t reverse it if the person had no feelings for me as friend in the first place. They won’t care enough to calm down and not be angry with me. Right now, mentally I am broken over what was said to me. It is affecting how I function. I cried for hours after I got home from my walk.

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