I am not ok.

In case others wonder why I am a little off tonight … I am not ok. I am still rather upset about what was said to me earlier. I was just trying to help. I had the best intentions when I made the decision to do what I did. I didn’t deserve to basically be told that I meant nothing to my new friend. I was there for her when no one else bothered. I opened up to her. I now see that was all unappreciated by them. They know my issues and if they actually cared about how their comments may affect me then she wouldn’t have said them. I guess that is proof that people treat autistic people as objects rather than a human being. I’m insecure at the best times. I am crushed emotionally right now. I walked miles (more than normal) to walk off my hurt feelings. I have now eaten something for the first time today after feeling completely full for most of the day after Christmas food yesterday. I have bought booze on my walk and I intend to drink my pain tonight! After all, I mean nothing so I may as well treat myself like shit. I was so emotionally distraught earlier that I was close to walking in front of a moving car. I feel things intensely and those comments cut like a knife. They were verging on nasty and it is no surprise that no one else cares about them. I hope that they end up old and alone. I gave a shit… yet they tried to tell me that I didn’t care or have any love for them. Nope, that is their feelings in regard to me. I am very very very hurt!!!!

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