Day: December 24, 2021

I know that I said earlier that I was having Christmas Day off etc after the Christmas message. I didn’t know that the concept of ‘Christmas’ was affecting me so much. However, I just can’t wait until it is over now. I just hate every single moment of this over commercialized pile of crap! It should be toned down a little for those that do not experience the ‘joy of christmas’ for whatever reason. Christmas is actually really nothing if there is nothing to celebrate in your life. I am sure that there are spirits hanging around me too. I could feel myself getting fed up, upset and a little angry when suddenly something fell out of the bin (I know that I had put it in there properly) and … even more suspiciously, the photo of me and Jonny as a baby when he was first born fell over (that was also stood up properly). I’m just not interested right now. Whatever/whoever it is… please don’t touch my stuff. I miss my son but I will never spend a christmas with him, he is gone forever. The chances of him coming to find me are quite frankly beyond slim. I don’t feel depressed but I probably am without realizing it because I haven’t had a bath tonight. I changed into my pj’s when I got home from my long walk. I will probably have a bath in the morning before I have to be out for christmas dinner at a relatives. I swear that my flat is in a worse state than normal. Then my new bestie says they’re going offline for the next few days to avoid christmas due to how they’re struggling. They can’t help that but neither can I help wanting to kick off because I am beginning to become hateful toward this season right now. I’m becoming hateful toward a lot of stuff as I age. Maybe that is just how it goes. I have less patience with certain things as I get older. I don’t know if people get more annoying or I’m starting to notice that they are irritating more. I want to throw things. I want to cry and have a huge argument with whoever pisses me off next. I’m triggered, deal with it! I’m not a snowflake… I’ve been through more than many people in my life. I’m just so angry at everything and everyone.

I wasn’t sure when I was going to do my Christmas message because sometimes I post on Christmas Day. I have decided to have the day off tomorrow as at a relatives house for dinner. So yes, this is my alternative Christmas message. I am on the move walking while writing this so it may be a little disjointed. I have a supermarket bag which is quite full and my handbag on my shoulder. l am attempting to type one handed. I have just deleted a load of meat photos off my phone. I looked a right weirdo and went to all that trouble for my mum just to look at them and proceed to go to her normal supermarket despite saying the meat quality wasn’t good enough for Christmas dinner. I don’t even normally eat meat which makes it look even weirder taking photos in several different supermarkets. I only eat meat now when I go to another person’s home who is serving it. Anyway, whether you do Christmas or not, I just want to say hope its ok for you over the next 48 hours. Those of you who don’t enjoy Christmas remember it is over in 48 hours.

I downloaded the Nutri Coach app a few weeks ago. This is the free version which has worked perfectly up until yesterday. I have checked the country settings on both my phone (it went this way after I gave it permission to synch my steps counter with it – part of the health section on my iphone) and the app. They are all set on united kingdom but when I try to type in food products the search choices are all american foods. That isn’t helpful to me at all due to our food brands being completely different between both countries. I have reported it as a bug on the app but still awaiting a response. If anyone has any suggestions or its happening to you (which suggests it may be an app malfunction) please let me know. I can’t use the app properly with it doing this… it doesn’t even recognise chips (americans call them fries and crisps chips etc). I am experienced enough to know if I have eaten too much calories and not balanced it with enough exercise but the detail and calculations of the app makes it so much easier to track progress.