Most of you are aware of what happened to my first child, if you’re not it is included on the about Em page. The first time didn’t work out for me. I am a decade older, a lot more mature and mentally settled at this point. I desperately want to have another chance. However, by the time you get to mid 30s, the decent good looking men are either taken or gay. I am 35 next year and that means my shelf life for having another baby is getting shorter. I don’t know whether the issues I currently have with my monthlies are the start of the end of my fertility. Apparently, despite having periods, women my age don’t always ovulate actual eggs regularly. I was born when my mother was 37 but that concerns me in regard to potentially having a severe autistic child. I was born with a form of autism but on the milder side. I won’t have children with someone else who has a form of autism because genetically it is too risky. I don’t particularly want a relationship but next time I am definitely not doing it alone. I know what that was like the first time around. I know what I am walking into this time around. I was young and naïve a decade ago. I am just very aware that my time is running out and it is something I am very aware of constantly.