Life cannot be explained.

This may not be written properly as I am writing this on my walk. I was thinking about the weird things that have happened in my life which I simply cannot explain. I will only go through the most recent ones or we will be here all night. I mentioned that my friend who I knew online since I was a teenager through the autism stuff. He passed away from Covid a few months ago. I think it was August, his wife didn’t log into his account to inform everyone about his death so I found out in October. We were both awake at night so random honest chats happened. There are things that I said to him that I wished would happen in my life… some of them have started to happen since he passed away. Some of the minor details are too ironic to be not guided by something. I always said that I wanted female friends which I could make but not keep because I am one of them that clashes with them apparently, there is also the jealousy and competitive side etched into my personality that other women don’t like. Also, if you cross me I will be very bitchy in how I get revenge. Anyway, I met a female friend after joining TikTok who seems to actually accept me for who I am. And, this is where it gets weird… has the same name as his wife…. definitely not the same person.

I have also finally stopped being so hard on myself. He used to say that I deserved to be happy after the crap life has thrown at me. I used to say how guilty I felt for what I did in the past and how I had to be hard on myself to make up for everything. The blog is getting noticed more… rather than being random spam posts in the background on social media. People are starting to take notice of my views and what I say rather than being invisible (which has been the case most of my life). It is absolute madness. I do appreciate my voice being heard but in the last few months the changes have literally been a flipped switch overnight.