Been anxious the entire day for something which ended up not happening.

I ended up not getting the medication review phone call. I had all that anxiety the whole week for something that didn’t end up happening. I am tired due to waking up this afternoon in preparation for the phone appointment. I have been in bed the entire day because I am fed up. I forgot to even take my medication today. I just don’t like Christmas because it is for families and mine (my son) was stolen from me. I don’t have any parties to go to because I don’t work for a business or company, the little bits I do are freelance and independent. I have still left housework which is making the place look a mess. its a battle to even get out of bed today but I can’t not do it. I waited all afternoon for the phone call that I didn’t get. I am autistic, that means the switching between tasks thing is difficult. I didn’t want to start housework and get the call because it would be only half done.

I’m having a difficult time.

I am totally unable to sleep at night whatsoever now because I have been sleeping during the day. I have relied on alcohol to get me through my studies too much this week which I have been doing at night. I am extremely stressed and annoyed at myself. I haven’t slept at all and it is nearly 9am. I have a phone appointment for medication review with my GP today. I don’t like phone calls, they make me anxious. We can’t get face to face appointments with the doctors still. That is anywhere between 1 and 6, they can’t even give me a precise time which doesn’t help my autism issues. I have been anxious about it all week. That makes insomnia worse. I really don’t want to do it. I can’t nor do it though. I can’t cancel it because it will look uncooperative. I can’t fall asleep and miss it as that will look like I don’t care. I have no preferred, non stressful option. The way the system is being operated (all via telephone conversations) due to covid is making my autism harder to live with … the accommodations are just not there. They induce my anxiety and constantly leave me on edge.